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I go back to work on the 3rd and there isn't a day off scheduled for the school kids except, I think, April 22nd. This interim position sounded like it might only be six weeks. And honestly, I don't know why I'm nervous about it. I tend to do much better with structure, and it sounds like this won't have a ton of grading after hours even with what I'm doing. Change is just scary. I don't even emotionally handle being off that well because I've got no one but my parents in my life. Today I've been alone back over at the parsonage and veering back and forth between content and feeling introvert-refreshed to fighting tears for no reason. I blame Hormones, in part, but I just keep running around in circles about how I feel like I never accomplish real goals, creative, personal, professional, or any other kind I can imagine. I am just not a self-starting person
I think I've figured out that one thing is that maybe I need more stimulants in my life. I have cut back on soda and even tea a lot and perhaps to a point that my prescription medication is having so much of a relaxant/sedative effect that I am sleeping way more than a normal person should. I guess if I'm sad about anything over the break it's that I slept most of it away, but at this point I'm not even sure what difference break versus work makes. Even though I look forward to, if I ever have professional success at all, being able to travel a bit during some of my breaks, when it's just time off for time off's sake, after the first three days or so I get sad.
I think I've figured out that one thing is that maybe I need more stimulants in my life. I have cut back on soda and even tea a lot and perhaps to a point that my prescription medication is having so much of a relaxant/sedative effect that I am sleeping way more than a normal person should. I guess if I'm sad about anything over the break it's that I slept most of it away, but at this point I'm not even sure what difference break versus work makes. Even though I look forward to, if I ever have professional success at all, being able to travel a bit during some of my breaks, when it's just time off for time off's sake, after the first three days or so I get sad.
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Date: 2019-01-02 03:02 am (UTC)From:You'll be okay. The more change that occurs within your life the more adapt you might possibly come to it. I know I used to be a super anxious person and I still am to an extent. However, because I've had to expose myself to a ton of new things over time-the less afraid I've became. Trust me, I love routine and that's the appeal to teaching (its a set schedule and it's one I'm used to because all I know is academics) I suppose.
I'm cheering for you!! <3
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Date: 2019-01-02 03:37 am (UTC)From:And I appreciate the support ♥