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Writing is a lonely prospect these days. I remember when LiveJournal made it easy to feel like there was a community around writing for a fandom or a ship, even if it was small. It tended to lead to greater creativity because it didn't feel like screaming into a void.

These days, I'm tempted to post my stuff here, but I feel like most people who read my blog as very general fellow bloggers, so I wonder if I should make a little quarantine community for it to separate the fandomy posting of fic from the general rambling about life and stuff. But then I wonder if that's just keeping any eyeballs from the fic that would've otherwise been on it.

This was a conversation people were having on reddit earlier, too, to which I contributed.

I had a strangely good day in terms of unexpected events.

I awakened to find an email from Dreamwidth Studios that I had been randomly selected to receive a donated Paid Account for a year! That's great, because I have been using the website more often lately. I've been trying to be more present with... well, anything, and it seems to help to be on these more Internet 1.5 websites... I had a paid account for a few years now, but right now anything other than food or something that will have a direct impact on my material existence seems like a stupid frivolity. I had planned to purchase a paid account again, but I just... hadn't made myself. I'm really thankful, kind strangers on Dreamwidth! I almost never win random odds ANYTHING, so it's really nice.

Then, when I got to work, I received an email to request a direct interview with an international school in another part of Tokyo! This application is really satisfying to get a response to, because I had to pay a platform to be allowed to put in yet another application... So, here's hoping that I might get it. It would be a significant pay bump, and I would just enjoy the work as much or more than anything I've ever done, I think. I'll be interviewing with them next week.

Finally, I was scheduled to have 10 classes today. It's manageable but hectic. However, I ended up with only 6 due to several absences. It was nice. Very breezy and let me get lesson plans done through next Tuesday which means that for the last two days this week, I can dedicate office time to curriculum adoption instead of lesson planning, if my boss doesn't give me something else to do.

When I started in June and for the first couple months, Mondays were trial by fire for everyone. In the 5:00 PM slot, there's this group of five very difficult to manage elementary school boys that, every time I think I'm getting some cooperation, it's two steps forward and one step back. At least one step back. This past Monday was Respect for the Elderly Day in Japan, so it's a public holiday for most things. Our schedule doesn't take into account public holidays and has separate holidays instead, so my boss invited the boys' parents to come see their behavior. A few showed up but mostly stayed outside the room and talked with my boss. They observed for a little while. It was chaotic but not terrible chaotic. We'll see if any of the progress sticks next Monday...

Anyway, until a couple weeks ago, there were 11 classes on Mondays, the most I had all week, and it included 2 of about 3 classes that have members who ever give me a really difficult or disrespectful time. Some Mondays, I would come out of it feeling really emotionally battered by a couple of 8 or 9 year old boys! It was awful.

Recently, however, there have been some schedule shifts. This means there will usually be only 8-10 classes on Monday, still getting a good chunk of the difficult stuff over with at the beginning of the week, but with a couple of more cooperative students moved to different days of the week. Now, Tuesday or Wednesday will be the technically busiest day usually, but those include both more one-on-one classes and more mature students, whether they be elementary school kids or older kids and adults. It's more balanced, and I'm grateful for that.

Plus, I think that will be better for whoever replaces me, in the end.

Right now, I think I am doing a good job most days. My boss offers genuine thanks and praise sometimes. However, I am still having problems with her anxiety cloud casting this dreadful glow over me.

I work 1:30 PM to 9:00 or so most days. Technically, my hours are until 9:30, but if my boss has decided we're done for the day, we leave a bit before that. She's eager to go home, and I think she basically schedules that buffer for if something went wrong? But anyway, I am supposed to have an hour break in there. It's actually required by law. However, my break is usually broken up into two half-hour chunks. However, what's actually happening is that most of the time I'm not actually getting a break that long during any time period. If I get a half hour break, I'm usually doing paperwork to make stuff easier for the next day for at least 20 minutes of that break. It's somewhat a choice, but it's one of those things where I'm always trying to keep on top of things such that my job feels more steady instead of boom and bust.

However, my boss is this anxious church mouse who is obviously a bit nervous and judgmental anytime I'm sitting there doing nothing or on my phone or whatever. Even though I'm doing volumes of work that are sometimes working ahead into the next week.

It frustrates me, but I'm also trying to get brave enough that at a certain point, when it's officially my break time, I will just sit there and read my phone right in front of her no matter what it does to her aura.

I hate the nitpicky supervision, though it isn't constant. I put up with so much crap. Like, her four year old grandson is there pretty often because she helps out when her daughter and son-in-law need a pinch-hit for looking after him. I don't mind! I find him somewhat charming. But yesterday, some of their other family members were there for a little bit, and he ran into the office where I was working, came up to me, kicked me in the thigh (medium pressure, non injurious but not very comfortable either) and ran off again. I didn't say a word about it. I think he was being playful/giving me attention in his own way. He sometimes comes up and tickles me and it's, like, obviously friendly. This was less easy to read, but I think it was still that kind of thing. That said, if I have to sometimes (not at that moment) impromptu babysit, and you ask forgiveness and not permission while you stop looking after your grandson and just leave him in my general vicinity, then you can fuck off about whether or not you like my smartphone habits.

Anyway, I'm venting. It's not a terrible job. She's not a terrible person. But sometimes, she's a crappy boss.

Two or three friends have suggested that these "behaviors" are why other people in my position have left before. It could be. I wish I could find out what exactly were the tenures of my predecessors...

Anyway, I am currently looking not just out of resentment. There have been days when I have the slightly petty thought of, like, "the smaller you make the bullseye to make you happy, the further my foot is out the door and you don't even know it yet." On other days, I feel kind of bad that I will leave her given the opportunity before a year is up. My contract says I can voluntarily retire with 90 days notice, and I will do it if the opportunity comes up.

I dread what might happen next with regard to my comfort levels in my own home, since my rent is played through my work as is common in these situations, but I will get through it by the grace of God. This woman claims to be a Christian. Let her show it.

Earlier, I opened instagram and happened across a reel by the "antiworkgirlboss" account where she was talking about "Performance Improvement Plans," which are typically used as a way for a job that has to give reasons to fire you to start the process of firing you. I don't think my job is anywhere near that point. I think she likes me most of the time. I think I'm doing a good job most of the time. However, one thing this reel said really resonated with me. Basically, when you've been given forewarning that a job is about to end, you need to start looking for another and emotionally disassociate from your current job.

I definitely get emotionally wrapped up in my jobs. I think most teachers do. I still, every day, go in wanting the best outcomes for students.

And, for example, my boss currently has me learning about a different curriculum to phase into using over the next several level changes for sme students.

I'm doing it. I'm learning a skill. And I'm also writing up a doc and sharing it with her, which I'll make a copy of after I'm doing and unattach my version wen I leave the job. I am consciously doing things that will make it easier for whoever she has to train next. But, it's going to be someone if I am blessed with the opportunity to take a job where I am in my skillset and being treated with the level of professional dignity I have earned.

She gives me some professional dignity and treats me well especially when I'm working with the age group I'm licensed to teach. However, working with the younger kids is a challenge for me. I'm learning, but I don't want to feel looked down upon for not being a perfect natural mother who speaks Japanese all the time. I know some of it is my rejection sensitivity, too.

Still, I think it's even a responsible thing to try and move into a position where I am best utilizing my skill set.

And, now that I have written all that down... I'm trying to let it go until tomorrow.

I'm still having a lot of trouble letting my work live at work. Not making it my whole personality, even when I am compartmentalizing it.

I've been wanting to write more lately. You might have noticed with the bingo card. I also signed up for a ficathon. The two might overlap. But I am also worried about whether or not I can even focus on any of them.

I can't decide if I want to work on WIPs in fandoms I've been in for a while or if I want to start new things, one-shots or potential WIPs. I want to make myself happy with writing, but I am human and also want community and attention, and the latter is really, really hard to come by as a writer these days.

I mentioned that I had gotten wind of a Year of the OTP event from a discord server I'm in. Apparently it's hosted by a discord server I'm not even in about batfam fandom but is open to any fandom. If I do it, I'll probably do multiple ships.

Anyway, here's the image and the link to the details:



Source Link

A card from genprompt_bingo. No idea how I'll do with this, but I'm trying to give myself something to do kind of between chapters of daunting, old WIPs I've been trying to dust off.

Anger	Farce	DNA	Bright Colours	We're Surrounded!
Episode Tags and Missing Scenes	Pack	River / Stream / Brook	The Company of Strangers	Outsider / Outlaw
These are a few of my Favourite Things	Sun and Stars	Wild Card	Surreality	Curtainfic (and similar)
The Early Hours before Dawn	Tension	Anthropomorphic Personifications of Abstract Concepts	Freckles	Virtue and Vice
Beautiful	Cowardly	Initiation / Hazing	Elves, Fairies, Pixies and Brownies	Violence

Challenge #3

Pimp Your Favorite Communities, Fests or Challenges! Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

What makes fandom more fun is when more people get involved. Tell us where the party is. Or, if you’re stuck in a rut yourself and looking for things to get you out of it, peruse your fellow participant’s posts and see where they go. You never know where you might find your next fandom squee play place!

I'm more a follower than a leader when it comes to these types of things, but I'll try.

lands_of_magic

I wish I could be more involved, but I really enjoy lands_of_magic. Click the image below to sign up! I really loved the concept of a landcomm when I joined one before LJ fell to the wayside for the segments of fandom I was in. While I haven't interacted as much as I could have, doing these from time to time has been a great way for me to not feel like I have done nothing while I've been facing a general inability to write fic/participate in fic exchanges for the past six months or so. There are a large variety of challenges and often several ways to complete the challenges. In order to stay an active member once you join, you only have to complete two challenges per round (a period of several months), so it is pretty low-pressure and what-you-make-it. It also went on a hiatus between this round and the previous one and actually came back! So that's a vote of confidence.

If you choose to sign up tell them I (prixmium) referred you, please. ♥

npt_admin

In the past, I have really enjoyed participating in Not Primetime (administrative posts at npt_admin. I wasn't able to participate this past year, and it looks like it's possible that it will be a fest instead of an exchange next year. I've always enjoyed it because often my fandoms are somewhat too big for Yuletide but aren't megafandoms either, and that's the niche this exchange is meant to fill.

chocolateboxcomm and trickortreatex

If I'm not mistaken both chocolateboxcomm and trickortreatex are run by the same fan/mod? If any case, they are both similar exchanges. They have a word-count minimum at only 300 words and don't have fandom restrictions unless it's just poor-taste author veto, I assume. Chocolate Box's sign-ups are open now! Trick or TreatChocolate Box focuses on relationships primarily, be they gen or shippy, Trick or Treat has an element that you are going for a treat (something sweet, fluffy, or happy) or a trick (something with darker themes) and you can specify what you do or don't want with regard to that. The tiny word count is meant to encourage treat fics (in the sense of extra fics based on prompts that speak to you), so I think it's a great way to build your "portfolio" if you want while participating in the fannish community.

Hey friends-list,

Does anyone have some advice for how to handle a "Time Loop" prompt in a way that won't turn into an absolute monster? I already have trouble with being concise. I think it could be fun, but I am struggling with something that wouldn't try to morph into an epic I don't have the time or patience for right now.

Especially if I am going to finish my trope_bingo card by Halloween to whatever extent I can, I have to write pretty fast. I am sitting here at work trying to brainstorm what I could write in my next break or tonight...

But I find that I like so many things in passing that it is hard to settle on what fandom to write for any given prompt. Sometimes it as an abundance of choices while other times it's like "what do I even like again?"

I guess so far I am thinking I might like to write something for:

- Good Omens
- Doctor Who
- White Collar


But like there are way more than that??? And I just wrote one for AoS and could do more. But yikes my brain. I want to sleep forever.

Finished my fic for trickortreatex ages early! I hope that it works for my recipient. I didn't really have anything in common with them in terms of ship vibes, but it's a single character matching fic. I tried to write something that was gen but hit on emotional stuff they seemed into with a bit of a darker vibe given the trick or treat theme.