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Certain things are beginning to feel a little more normal or safe, but I can't help feeling that it's a false sense of security. I got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine sometime at the end of March or beginning of this month. Well over two weeks ago.
My dad got the Moderna vaccine, and he got his first dose like two or three weeks after recovering from the COVID infection he and I both had. The doctors at the VA told him his overall reaction to the vaccine might be worse because he'd recently had it. It's my understanding that for the two-dose vaccines that having had COVID recently may actually act like a "first dose." I'm glad he got the second one so as not to risk it, though.
We both had reactions to it later in the evening of the day of our respective shots. I was miserably feverish, but it only lasted the night. Then I dealt with some fatigue and other minor symptoms for a few days. However, I do think I may have had a blood clot in my arm as a result of the J&J vaccine!
Unfortunately because I felt like crap and was lazy, I didn't sign up for that daily update thing the CDC was doing, but I have been thinking about whether I should call someone and let them know for statistical purposes.
Basically, I had some injection site soreness but then I also had this sort of lump develop on my arm that was hot, sore, and hard about two or three inches below the injection site. It itched and was extremely sensitive to the touch and hard as a rock. I showed it to my dad, perplexed, and he was the one who suggested at the time that it might be a blood clot.
Seeing as I have no medical insurance or income, I generally avoid seeking medical attention unless it's a last resort. I went and took an aspirin and went to sleep for a while, and when I awakened, the lump was basically gone??? And it had been there for several hours before taking the aspirin. Really makes me wonder.
After that, I got what I think was a bruise on my leg within the past week, and it made me wonder again, because I'm paranoid now. However, it is important to remember that birth control pills have some incidence of blood clots, especially in the legs, higher than the J&J vaccine has so far exhibited. There's a risk to everything, and people often aren't even informed of them because it's just considered a given that women (people with uteri but this is referring to societal stereotypes) need to be on birth control.
I actually do because of my PCOS, which makes me wonder if I was at higher risk.
But so far, I seem to be getting along okay.
Mother's Day is coming up here in the US. I have never been particularly good at holiday observance -- an inherited trait, it would seem. But my mom always felt a little slighted if I completely forgot about Mother's Day, though she was certainly not a diva about it.
It's a bit difficult to go to the store and see all the Mother's Day reminders and gifts and stuff out and realize that I don't have a mother anymore. At least not in this life.
Other things that are difficult are hearing something I think she'd find interesting or have insight about but not being able to bring it up with her.
My faith and especially her faith bring me peace that she is at peace, but I really miss her It's like missing her didn't really set in fully at first. I guess there's the shock to the system and the relief and the fact that I was sick almost right after, but it's only been for the past month or so that it really churns my guts sometimes.
I would like to use this platform more. I've talked about it before, so I won't go into great detail, but the Big Three socmeds are kind of driving me crazy right now when I try to use them. I'm getting to where I'm not quite as addicted to twitter at the moment, so I am hoping to make some online habit-changes even if I don't swear anything off. If I use one of the Big Three, I would like to go back to using tumblr a bit more, I think.
And I would also like to use this, because it encourages keeping a record of one's thoughts. Sometimes, having a record like this is one of the few things that gives a sense of continuity of self. That's something I find twitter useless for or even actively counterproductive toward.
I've been working on Stings, a Kara no Kyoukai and Fate/Zero fanfic I started back in 2016. Given that KnK is one of the less-popular parts of Type Moon with Fate eclipsing everything, it's been hard to get eyeballs on it. In turn, it's been hard for me to write without letting my rejection sensitive dysphoria kick in.
Speaking of RSD, I really want to do the formal diagnostic for ADHD and, if it turns out, take it to my doctor to talk about maybe trying something like Concerta instead of an antidepressant for a while. I'm afraid he will balk at self-diagnosis, but I also feel that he won't have the time or patience to do all of the diagnostic stuff himself if I don't come having done some homework??? And I don't wanna spend $80 at minimum for nothing.
Concerta is the only ADHD medication that I know of that's legal in Japan. They're really serious about not letting amphetamines in of any kind.
I don't know if I'll get to go back to Japan at this point, but it seems as likely a possibility as any for me to ever have a job again.
My dad got the Moderna vaccine, and he got his first dose like two or three weeks after recovering from the COVID infection he and I both had. The doctors at the VA told him his overall reaction to the vaccine might be worse because he'd recently had it. It's my understanding that for the two-dose vaccines that having had COVID recently may actually act like a "first dose." I'm glad he got the second one so as not to risk it, though.
We both had reactions to it later in the evening of the day of our respective shots. I was miserably feverish, but it only lasted the night. Then I dealt with some fatigue and other minor symptoms for a few days. However, I do think I may have had a blood clot in my arm as a result of the J&J vaccine!
Unfortunately because I felt like crap and was lazy, I didn't sign up for that daily update thing the CDC was doing, but I have been thinking about whether I should call someone and let them know for statistical purposes.
Basically, I had some injection site soreness but then I also had this sort of lump develop on my arm that was hot, sore, and hard about two or three inches below the injection site. It itched and was extremely sensitive to the touch and hard as a rock. I showed it to my dad, perplexed, and he was the one who suggested at the time that it might be a blood clot.
Seeing as I have no medical insurance or income, I generally avoid seeking medical attention unless it's a last resort. I went and took an aspirin and went to sleep for a while, and when I awakened, the lump was basically gone??? And it had been there for several hours before taking the aspirin. Really makes me wonder.
After that, I got what I think was a bruise on my leg within the past week, and it made me wonder again, because I'm paranoid now. However, it is important to remember that birth control pills have some incidence of blood clots, especially in the legs, higher than the J&J vaccine has so far exhibited. There's a risk to everything, and people often aren't even informed of them because it's just considered a given that women (people with uteri but this is referring to societal stereotypes) need to be on birth control.
I actually do because of my PCOS, which makes me wonder if I was at higher risk.
But so far, I seem to be getting along okay.
Mother's Day is coming up here in the US. I have never been particularly good at holiday observance -- an inherited trait, it would seem. But my mom always felt a little slighted if I completely forgot about Mother's Day, though she was certainly not a diva about it.
It's a bit difficult to go to the store and see all the Mother's Day reminders and gifts and stuff out and realize that I don't have a mother anymore. At least not in this life.
Other things that are difficult are hearing something I think she'd find interesting or have insight about but not being able to bring it up with her.
My faith and especially her faith bring me peace that she is at peace, but I really miss her It's like missing her didn't really set in fully at first. I guess there's the shock to the system and the relief and the fact that I was sick almost right after, but it's only been for the past month or so that it really churns my guts sometimes.
I would like to use this platform more. I've talked about it before, so I won't go into great detail, but the Big Three socmeds are kind of driving me crazy right now when I try to use them. I'm getting to where I'm not quite as addicted to twitter at the moment, so I am hoping to make some online habit-changes even if I don't swear anything off. If I use one of the Big Three, I would like to go back to using tumblr a bit more, I think.
And I would also like to use this, because it encourages keeping a record of one's thoughts. Sometimes, having a record like this is one of the few things that gives a sense of continuity of self. That's something I find twitter useless for or even actively counterproductive toward.
I've been working on Stings, a Kara no Kyoukai and Fate/Zero fanfic I started back in 2016. Given that KnK is one of the less-popular parts of Type Moon with Fate eclipsing everything, it's been hard to get eyeballs on it. In turn, it's been hard for me to write without letting my rejection sensitive dysphoria kick in.
Speaking of RSD, I really want to do the formal diagnostic for ADHD and, if it turns out, take it to my doctor to talk about maybe trying something like Concerta instead of an antidepressant for a while. I'm afraid he will balk at self-diagnosis, but I also feel that he won't have the time or patience to do all of the diagnostic stuff himself if I don't come having done some homework??? And I don't wanna spend $80 at minimum for nothing.
Concerta is the only ADHD medication that I know of that's legal in Japan. They're really serious about not letting amphetamines in of any kind.
I don't know if I'll get to go back to Japan at this point, but it seems as likely a possibility as any for me to ever have a job again.
