prixmium | Reflection

I’m on vacation now, and having the kind of job I do this year, I don’t have grading or anything to worry about, but my break is a little shorter than it would have been in my public school job.

I’m trying my best to focus on every moment being present with my best friend and away from the things that cause me to feel kind of mopey about my everyday life back in Japan. Plus, when I go back, I’ll only have 10 or 11 weeks left on the job I’m leaving.

In the meantime, I’ll have to secure an apartment for my next job, but even though being a teacher in a school again will be a lot of responsibility, it’s more focused responsibility, so I feel like it will be better for me. Plus, I’m only planning to be there for a year, if my other plans go in order.

It’s hard not to focus on the anxiety of going back to responsibility instead of being where I am, happy. I guess another thing is that I have real hope of my regular life being better in the next 18 months or so, so it’s hard to wait for that long and to imagine it stretching out before me.

However, I am happy that if I just actually manage to ignore my job for the next week or so, nothing bad will happen to me or my students as a result. I just really don’t have quite as much stamina for a teaching job as many do, and it’s the one drawback of my chosen profession, no matter what form it takes.

I’m really happy to be in a part of the world that’s more familiar and which speaks my language, even though I enjoy being in Japan. I came to Japan in order to have a chance at a better living situation than the one I was able to afford in America, despite making a higher salary, but now that I have worked out a game plan to have a life where I can be near my best friend most of the time, I feel it is frustrating and not quite enough. On the other hand, the conversation that led to me actually coming up with this plan and finding out more than I knew before probably wouldn’t have happened if not for the confluence of circumstances and my homesickness and discontent when I first moved. And, I’ve gotten in better shape – losing a little weight but, more importantly, getting my diabetes under much better control. So, it feels like a “meant to be” kind of side quest, but I wish it wouldn’t take so long, but I’m old enough that I don’t want to wish my time away.

Just thinking some thoughts as I try not to waste my time off as I often do, fretting.