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Happy things. It's a nice overcast summer day here in Portland. The forecast is for a high in the low 70s, much more like it after some 90+ days while Natasha was visiting.

It was really fun having four cats in the apartment, until it wasn't. If it had just been Taiga and Tundra, my cat's parents, everything would have been fine. They all get along wonderfully, after the initial shock of seeing each other after a long separation.

But with Natasha's new adopted Glacier in the mix, it was not fun. He is only 9 months old, and he is deaf, all he wanted to do was pester Avalanche, I think in part because she looks exactly like her sister Fern (formerly Aurora but her adopted family re-named her, as well as Avalanche's brother Igloo who is now Rocky). Glacier and Fern had kittens together this summer. So I think Glacier thought this was his new wife or something. But Avalanche is fixed and doesn't know Glacier and doesn't *want* to know Glacier, as she tried to make very clear, but he can't hear her hissing and growling so he kept pestering her. It was sad. Taiga and Tundra were fine but Avalanche and Glacier were perpetually stressed. Tundra seemed the happiest of everyone and rolled around in my kitchen delightedly, she was so happy to have Glacier's pestering deflected away from herself. And nothing ever bothers Taiga, he loves everyone and everything all of the time.

I think it stressed me more than I realized because when Natasha left yesterday morning, my mood crashed HARD. I panicked about my future, ate poorly, ruminated, my body was in a bad pain flare, and eventually I just crawled into bed and slept for three hours.

I feel a LOT better this morning.

I haven't had outdoor time or exercise in a week, so I will go ride my bike up Rocky Butte after I finish writing here. Will pick up a few berries and whatnot at the farmers market on the way home, it'll be so lovely.

Took advantage of the cool cozy morning and baked banana bread from our two overripe bananas. I added some older strawberries that weren't spoiled but weren't really fresh enough for snacking anymore, and half the blackberries I picked after work on Friday. The property where I work does not spray and they have a fenced-off unkempt area that is currently full of blackberries and the whole neighborhood descends on the bushes when they begin to ripen. I feel blessed.

Cleaned the apartment a little and played hard with Avalanche, who hasn't had a good play session since the cats were here. I got her a new toy last night and she LOVES it. The other cats slobbered all over her old ones, so I felt this was needed.

...

Josh and I are in the process of buying a house. This has me mostly panicked at this point, it's just not a thing I ever thought I could manage, but Josh can, and I've worked hard to be able to pull enough weight to contribute, and although I could never afford anything like this on my own, I can significantly help and I feel really good about this. I found a house that has a detached studio that was built three years ago for the owner's mom to do her quilting, that I can sparkle in. That is something I can work out of, capture people on that side of town and save them from the commute, and probably increase my work hours to help pay for the house. There are permits involved for working out of a residence but those are manageable, my mom had to do it when she taught piano out of her home. We will be in Josh's old neighborhood which will be really different for me, I've never lived on the west side, but very familiar and comforting for him, which was important to me. I will find my places and my people, I will keep my studio on the east side as it is such a good deal it is worth it even if I only use it two days a week, to keep my current east side customers happy, and I can still keep in touch with my side of town, visit the park with my mom's memorial bench, and such.

It has low-maintenance landscaping, we are not yard people so this is so helpful. It has a fully fenced back yard for Avalanche. It is on a dead end street and backs up against a creek. It will be quiet and peaceful. It has a lifetime metal roof that is only ten years old. It has forced air heating and cooling. A 2 car garage, with an additional new work shed. It was built in 1985 so the house is not ancient, like so many of the houses we have looked at in our price range. It has a dishwasher. No more handwashing dishes and the inability to sanitize things without boiling them.

The only major downside of this little house is that there is no fireplace, and all the appliances are electric. So if the power goes out in a winter storm, which is will, we will be dead in the water. I am not okay with this. But after looking into what it costs to add different kinds of fireplaces/wood stoves, it looks like the easiest and most economical fix is to install a whole-house generator. Not only will this solve the heating, cooking, and fridge issues, but Josh will be able to keep working - he works remotely and would have to scramble to find workspace if we lost power. This will not be cheap but it will be first on my agenda when we move in - I might try to get it done during the move-in, this summer, so it's ready to go come wintertime. It's not super common for houses in this area to have them, unlike the mid-west or hurricane prone areas in the southern states, but it seems more than worth it to me, to be a safe harbor not only for us but for those we love, including Josh's parents, who are in the area.

There are definitely some other quirks about the house, the layout is funky and there are some high maintenance bushes in the back that will need hired help to care for or to just be ripped out, which is also expensive, but none of that is urgent. I love the fir tree in the front, the owners even have a cute little squirrel box on it, I love the creek next to us, I am looking forward to getting to know our neighbors and the area. It's a new chapter and I'm mostly excited but also terrified.

For me the biggest push to get me through my fear and sign the offer was Avalanche. We still live beneath a dog who tried to kill her, and she can never go outside because of it, she will never let me put her on a leash again after that - he attacked us from the hallway when we were coming in from a leashed walk, his owner let him out unleashed as we were entering our apartment, he bolted down the stairs and shoved past me into our apartment and picked her up by the ribcage. I got torn apart freeing her and getting him back out into the hall, all while the owner was still upstairs, and only made it down in time to see me shove his dog out and slam my door closed. I have to be reminded of the dog attack every day when I see him taking the dog for walks. I was sick for months from antibiotics and infections that ensued because of the antibiotic treatment for my wounds. While they continue on with their lives as if nothing happened.

Avalanche will be so much happier with safe, enclosed play space (supervised of course). I go crazy when I don't have my outside time. I play with her indoors as much as I can to keep her active and stimulated and enriched but I know it's not enough to really give her the fullest quality of life she could have.

If we really can't handle the payments and everything goes wrong, we can sell it and go back to renting. We will be okay as long as we have each other. I do not feel confident in my earning potential long term, but Josh feels confident in his, and this was an important step for him to take in his life, so I am happy to support it. Maybe it will inspire me to rise to the occasion and find ways to make more income, to improve our situation.

Off to ride my bike and visit the farmers market. I have a few admin things to do before I leave, regarding paperwork for the house, then change and off I go. Maybe listen to some John Muir writings while I ride.