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Medication and Circadian Rhythm
Aug. 27th, 2019 02:30 amIt's 2:30 AM and I'm gonna try to go to bed after this post. Thankfully, I've actually been sleepy for about an hour. I took my medicine a few minutes go, but since I came back to my family's main home from the parsonage I can't figure out what I did with my packet of antidepressants. I need to call stuff in and get American refills anyway, but I've honestly been good for a while on everything but birth control from stuff I got while in Japan. It was just incidental, but I think we I go back I'll try to be good for a month or so but then do at least a couple of refills while I'm there because it's so, so much cheaper.
Anyway, I have been thinking about trying to get off my antidepressant anyway. I don't think I'm no longer depressed or that I have exponentially better coping skills. I also know that in the future I probably do need to invest time and (sigh) money into a good therapist. However, I just kind of don't want to keep being dependent on an antidepressant like that forever. My mom reads stuff online and gets it on her mind, and she mentioned it to me again recently that maybe we both should try to do with as little as possible due to the possibility that it may interfere with the body's ability to ever perform those functions on its own. I dunno.
I am glad I'm getting sleepy in the dark, though. For a while I was only really sleepy from like 5 AM onward and it was a problem. I guess part of it was jetlag, but the thing is that I slept through the night just fine the first few days I was home and woke up with the Literal Chickens that live on my CITY STREET. But then my mom was sort of bothered that by the time she got up mid-morning I was ready for a cat-nap. I just really like sleeping... I know that might be a depression thing. I also think it's a touch starvation thing. This isn't like a sexual thing but I think that I take some kind of tactile pleasure in lying down and snuggling into blankets that is some kind of emotional substitute for the fact that I don't have anyone to hug or touch in any friendly way except my parents, and when I was in Japan I didn't even have that.
In other news, I made a new reddit account, and it seems like it might be promising to get some lowkey interactions within certain fandoms the way classic LJ comms used to be. I don't think every subreddit is as successful or happy as the others, but I'm hopeful.
Anyway, I have been thinking about trying to get off my antidepressant anyway. I don't think I'm no longer depressed or that I have exponentially better coping skills. I also know that in the future I probably do need to invest time and (sigh) money into a good therapist. However, I just kind of don't want to keep being dependent on an antidepressant like that forever. My mom reads stuff online and gets it on her mind, and she mentioned it to me again recently that maybe we both should try to do with as little as possible due to the possibility that it may interfere with the body's ability to ever perform those functions on its own. I dunno.
I am glad I'm getting sleepy in the dark, though. For a while I was only really sleepy from like 5 AM onward and it was a problem. I guess part of it was jetlag, but the thing is that I slept through the night just fine the first few days I was home and woke up with the Literal Chickens that live on my CITY STREET. But then my mom was sort of bothered that by the time she got up mid-morning I was ready for a cat-nap. I just really like sleeping... I know that might be a depression thing. I also think it's a touch starvation thing. This isn't like a sexual thing but I think that I take some kind of tactile pleasure in lying down and snuggling into blankets that is some kind of emotional substitute for the fact that I don't have anyone to hug or touch in any friendly way except my parents, and when I was in Japan I didn't even have that.
In other news, I made a new reddit account, and it seems like it might be promising to get some lowkey interactions within certain fandoms the way classic LJ comms used to be. I don't think every subreddit is as successful or happy as the others, but I'm hopeful.
