phone calls to heaven

I was listening to a 48 Hours episode on YouTube about the murder of a young mom. At the end, they talked about how the little girl asked her grandmother if she could see her mom one more time. Then, when she explained she was in heaven now, she asked if her mom had a phone number there. I almost burst into tears in public. I wish my mom had a phone number in heaven, too.

I feel very alone lately. I sleep almost every hour I'm not at work. My best friend is really busy with her job lately and doesn't have much energy or time for me, and I struggle to wake up in the early morning hours to spend any time with either of my two closest friends very often. Even when I do, my best friend is really quiet and tired.

I used to cope through my life with sharing sort of fanfic-y "yes and" stories with friends through text/discord. Now, I don't have any of that kind of interaction with anyone. No one has the time or cares enough. And it makes it hard to be very into anything that might have otherwise kept me sane in the past.

I don't even really know how to make fandomy posts anymore. It sucks. I used to be able to go on and on for hours. Now I've lost the gift for starting anything.

I feel like a work robot who comes home and puts itself on a charger at night.