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I've had a bit of brain fog and interminable sleepiness for the past few days again. Not sure why.
I have been making an effort to walk, though building back up to 4 laps each day hasn't happened yet. (4 laps equates to about an hour of walking in this case.)
I got a few new bras that, in theory, fit me. I usually wear bralettes, so I am able to put up with a lot of leeway, but a lot of the bras I have are wearing out. I bought one on a lark at Target, but it was too small, so I actually measured myself and ordered some more of the same brand in the next size up. They arrived on Saturday.
I wish I could write a longer post about it, but maybe shorter is better.
In thinking about inspiration and how valid one considers even one's hobbies, I was thinking about how in addition to favoring immediacy rather than continuity, the Big 3 social media sites also discourage people from speaking things into reality by making them feel buried, useless, and contextless unless they "go viral."
On a journal, you don't expect things to "go viral," and you talk about them with the assumption that they are understood to be real by anyone who does bother to read them.
As much as I value "the internet" as a social platform, because it's all I've got and all I've had for years, I really hate modern socmed the more I think about it. I think a lot of 30-somethings or those nearing 30 are reaching our breaking points with it.
Speaking of not having an IRL social life, the other day I was acknowledged as a human with a name IRL. I had to take Charlie (dog) to the groomer, and on the way back home, I went to the grocery store at about 11am to buy some snacks and a salad to eat. I ran into this girl that shares my birthday and apparently half my social security number that I went to high school with. She recognized me and called me by name. She gave me a half-hug. I was wearing a mask. I don't think she was. I'm fully vaccinated, so I don't really mind, but it was a surprise.
Her third son was with her, and after she hugged me, he looked up at me above his little gaiter and said "Do you know my mommy?"
She explained that we went to high school together.
I wonder how many people that used to be my friends even remember me. Basically, I feel that even if they remembered me, most of them have too much going on in kids alone to really be my friend in a meaningful way again. Still, nice to know that my memory isn't one to find repulsive to at least a few of them. This random dude I had a creative writing class greeted me way back at the beginning of the pandemic at Walmart. Sad to say I knew who he was but couldn't remember his name for hours.
Last night, I had a dream that I was getting married but that it was to the boy I had a hopeless crush on when I was like 12 who has been openly gay since we were in middle school. I remember it struck me how odd it was, and I think he was like... trying to say he was into women now and I was like "So are you bi, or...?"
Very suspicious tbh, in the dream.
Felt bleh once my brain caught up to what was going on.
It sucks because all my romance/marriage related dreams that aren't related to a ship end up making me feel really icky. They're never pleasant. Bleeeh. I guess my brain is running out of fresh material for less than bleh dreams.
I have been making an effort to walk, though building back up to 4 laps each day hasn't happened yet. (4 laps equates to about an hour of walking in this case.)
I got a few new bras that, in theory, fit me. I usually wear bralettes, so I am able to put up with a lot of leeway, but a lot of the bras I have are wearing out. I bought one on a lark at Target, but it was too small, so I actually measured myself and ordered some more of the same brand in the next size up. They arrived on Saturday.
I wish I could write a longer post about it, but maybe shorter is better.
In thinking about inspiration and how valid one considers even one's hobbies, I was thinking about how in addition to favoring immediacy rather than continuity, the Big 3 social media sites also discourage people from speaking things into reality by making them feel buried, useless, and contextless unless they "go viral."
On a journal, you don't expect things to "go viral," and you talk about them with the assumption that they are understood to be real by anyone who does bother to read them.
As much as I value "the internet" as a social platform, because it's all I've got and all I've had for years, I really hate modern socmed the more I think about it. I think a lot of 30-somethings or those nearing 30 are reaching our breaking points with it.
Speaking of not having an IRL social life, the other day I was acknowledged as a human with a name IRL. I had to take Charlie (dog) to the groomer, and on the way back home, I went to the grocery store at about 11am to buy some snacks and a salad to eat. I ran into this girl that shares my birthday and apparently half my social security number that I went to high school with. She recognized me and called me by name. She gave me a half-hug. I was wearing a mask. I don't think she was. I'm fully vaccinated, so I don't really mind, but it was a surprise.
Her third son was with her, and after she hugged me, he looked up at me above his little gaiter and said "Do you know my mommy?"
She explained that we went to high school together.
I wonder how many people that used to be my friends even remember me. Basically, I feel that even if they remembered me, most of them have too much going on in kids alone to really be my friend in a meaningful way again. Still, nice to know that my memory isn't one to find repulsive to at least a few of them. This random dude I had a creative writing class greeted me way back at the beginning of the pandemic at Walmart. Sad to say I knew who he was but couldn't remember his name for hours.
Last night, I had a dream that I was getting married but that it was to the boy I had a hopeless crush on when I was like 12 who has been openly gay since we were in middle school. I remember it struck me how odd it was, and I think he was like... trying to say he was into women now and I was like "So are you bi, or...?"
Very suspicious tbh, in the dream.
Felt bleh once my brain caught up to what was going on.
It sucks because all my romance/marriage related dreams that aren't related to a ship end up making me feel really icky. They're never pleasant. Bleeeh. I guess my brain is running out of fresh material for less than bleh dreams.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-26 07:29 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2021-04-27 03:26 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2021-04-26 11:13 pm (UTC)From:The only thing I'm on is Facebook. Ironic since I hate it these days I also find myself doing more fannish things on there now. I've found a bunch of fannish friends from years past are there, so I go where people with my interests are. Much as I like DW, I don't share the fandoms of most of the people here. Kinda odd when you think about it. You'd think older fans would be attracted to a format like DW... but maybe they were soured on it from what happened with LJ.
I've mentioned my dislike of the current social media before. I think it's done a lot of damage to our society, the likes of which we may not realize for a long time yet. I hope you're right about your peers reaching the breaking point. Maybe someone will create something new that's better. Or maybe it's too late. But excuse my cynicism.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-27 03:31 am (UTC)From:I check it every so often and might make a comment on a family member's post or something.
For the most part, especially since my mom is gone, it is worse than useless to me.
I don't think I'd do fandom stuff on facebook in particular anymore. I might have in high school, but I guess facebook is my reservoir for an extremely dry personal presence that doesn't reveal too much about me on the grounds that anyone who sees it either knows me already or shouldn't know that much about me without asking.
lol I have these vague memories of trying to gussy up and make my profile more interesting back in college when I'd add people as friends that I had a crush on from classes.
Never once worked out.
And yeah, I generally agree about social media's long-term effects, though I sort of feel like getting too up in arms is biting the hand that feeds me scraps seeing as I have no IRL friends or whatever.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-28 12:20 am (UTC)From:It's a long road getting used to a mom being gone, so be kind to yourself and do what you need to.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-28 06:40 pm (UTC)From: