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I really don't know what the point of this post is or where to put it. I basically am just putting it here because I feel the urge to say something about it to someone, but I am so tired of bringing people down with my own mood which is... bad... maybe... but without substance.
Since I've been home, I've been struggling to find enjoyment in anything. I thought that some of that was related to the whole... like... not having time/a computer thing, but it seems like with having those things it has only gotten worse.
I feel like there is a small leak somewhere I cannot find that is leeching all of the fun and joy out of everything and leaving nothing but a dark and angry sea behind. And distraction doesn't help. It doesn't get rid of it. I don't know what to do to help myself.
A friend who's been in therapy and also studied about mental health as a point of interest has pointed out that putting off feeling something doesn't actually make it go away. It just prolongs and forestalls dealing with it. But I don't know how to deal with any of what's wrong with me or where to start. I've gotten really good at just muddling through and boxing it all away, so it's like a hoarder trying to figure out where to start cleaning house.
People use therapy for this, sure, but I can't afford therapy.
Since I've been home, I've been struggling to find enjoyment in anything. I thought that some of that was related to the whole... like... not having time/a computer thing, but it seems like with having those things it has only gotten worse.
I feel like there is a small leak somewhere I cannot find that is leeching all of the fun and joy out of everything and leaving nothing but a dark and angry sea behind. And distraction doesn't help. It doesn't get rid of it. I don't know what to do to help myself.
A friend who's been in therapy and also studied about mental health as a point of interest has pointed out that putting off feeling something doesn't actually make it go away. It just prolongs and forestalls dealing with it. But I don't know how to deal with any of what's wrong with me or where to start. I've gotten really good at just muddling through and boxing it all away, so it's like a hoarder trying to figure out where to start cleaning house.
People use therapy for this, sure, but I can't afford therapy.
