Bad Brain Feelings

[prixmium]

I really don't know what the point of this post is or where to put it. I basically am just putting it here because I feel the urge to say something about it to someone, but I am so tired of bringing people down with my own mood which is... bad... maybe... but without substance.

Since I've been home, I've been struggling to find enjoyment in anything. I thought that some of that was related to the whole... like... not having time/a computer thing, but it seems like with having those things it has only gotten worse.

I feel like there is a small leak somewhere I cannot find that is leeching all of the fun and joy out of everything and leaving nothing but a dark and angry sea behind. And distraction doesn't help. It doesn't get rid of it. I don't know what to do to help myself.

A friend who's been in therapy and also studied about mental health as a point of interest has pointed out that putting off feeling something doesn't actually make it go away. It just prolongs and forestalls dealing with it. But I don't know how to deal with any of what's wrong with me or where to start. I've gotten really good at just muddling through and boxing it all away, so it's like a hoarder trying to figure out where to start cleaning house.

People use therapy for this, sure, but I can't afford therapy.

Comments

[dorchadas]

I am not a therapist etc, but that sounds very similar to how I felt in the last bit of time before I left Japan, where I had few people to talk to due to the language barrier, no job, and not much to do because I lived in a rural area. My therapist consistently refers to it as me being depressed and she's the one with the degree...

I don't know if there are any non-expensive or free resources local to you that you could look into

[prixmium]

Other than leaning on my friends or trying to lean on myself, I'm really not sure what one can do without being able to afford professional help. Thank you for the support. That is a precious emoji.

[anirrationalseason]

Is there a public library near you (or one you can call)? I have found that many libraries aggregate lists of free/cheap local mental health resources and services. It might be worth reaching out to them to see what is there.

I've gotten really good at just muddling through and boxing it all away, so it's like a hoarder trying to figure out where to start cleaning house-- Yeah, I've been there. I kept putting all my shit into the imaginary attic until the whole house caved in on me. I'm actually doing free counseling with a student of psychology that has been helpful -- some universities with psychology/behavioral health programs will lend out their students to do sessions for free.

This might help, too: https://fairygodboss.com/articles/10-mental-health-resources-for-when-you-can-t-afford-therapy

(I apologize if this is aggressive. Just... I've been there, I hate seeing anyone else go through it.)

[prixmium]

It isn't aggressive! I will definitely check out the link. I guess for me it is sort of difficult for me to get the wherewithal to go ask around without knowing it'll work but totally, yeah. ♥