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(after) work rant
Aug. 27th, 2024 01:51 pmSo, Monday and Tuesday as work days actually went super smoothly for me. Tuesday was super easy, too, because two of my students were absent.
My usual work hours are 1:30 PM to 9:00ish. Technically 9:30, but it's basically when everything is wrapped up and my boss says goodnight to me, and it's usually a bit earlier than that.
My boss, being Japanese, seems to come to work for like 10-14 hours a day. Therefore, it feels like no matter what I do, even though she's generally kind, there's this idea that I have an absurdly easy schedule.
I am venting, because overall my boss is a genuinely kind person. I can tell that she has the good of all in her heart as much as possible. However, she is a deeply anxious person, as mentioned in a previous post.
So here's the bullet points version of what happened:
from me venting it to my best friend because I am trying not to dwell and type all this shit again over and over.
Hopefully, my tiny piece of cheesecake and a note of "sorry for waking you up unnecessarily" will let it blow over. However, if it comes to her attention that I set off the fucking security alarm and it annoys her, I think I might lose my mind inside. I will probably outwardly just become weak and meek like always, but ultimately, this is kind of her fault at least as much as it is mine.
If someone entrusts me with a key, I should be able to rely on being able to use it in some crazy circumstance without having to call the police!
She did say she would explain how to arm/disarm the thing for future reference.
I just fucking hate how her response was to jump out of bed and start driving instead of... like... calling or texting me?
Anyway, I talked to my dad and my two best friends. Mentioned it to my one Japanese friend. I feel a tiny bit better now. I'm just trying to steel myself without obsessing and spiraling.
I just really need to develop the boundary of being able to treat this just as a job instead of the locus of my self-worth. I care about my job and want to do a good job, but my rejection sensitivity is SO high that if she's annoyed I lose it a little. And that in itself is a bit of a negative power dynamic that I do not believe she in any way exploits on purpose but which deepens the boss/subordinate divide anytime there's even a mild hiccup.
Another thing I did to make myself feel better was put in three job applications. One I would love to hear back from and two on a lark.
I don't plan to leave immediately. I plan to give her a 90 day notice, as it says in my contract I should for voluntary retirement, and hopefully even more if I can. I also plan to give her a full year out of me, if at all possible with any job to get me out of Podunk, Japan, but I really, really need to be somewhere I can get on a train and just... ride.
My usual work hours are 1:30 PM to 9:00ish. Technically 9:30, but it's basically when everything is wrapped up and my boss says goodnight to me, and it's usually a bit earlier than that.
My boss, being Japanese, seems to come to work for like 10-14 hours a day. Therefore, it feels like no matter what I do, even though she's generally kind, there's this idea that I have an absurdly easy schedule.
I am venting, because overall my boss is a genuinely kind person. I can tell that she has the good of all in her heart as much as possible. However, she is a deeply anxious person, as mentioned in a previous post.
So here's the bullet points version of what happened:
i left my house key at work
i have a work key
work has a security system
i sent [boss] a text asking her for any further information about disarming the security system. honestly, it looked very simple and it should've been explained to me before, but [boss[ seemed to think i would only ever need to get in after she had been there during the day because she gets there at like 7am and leaves at 9:00pm or whatever.
i try to explain through text message twice what the situation was
[boss], being a person to freak out about everything, hops in her fucking car and drives almost back to work to let me in
i tell her i have a key i just need instructions
she sees this message and thinks it means i found my key
she asked me to never do that again but she was glad i had my key and i apologized a couple of times and she seemed to accept and wish me good night whatever
but because she still didn't understand what i needed, i had to go in with the key, set off the security system, couldn't figrue out how to disarm it, so i had to explain to the security system people and the police what happened. they were all super nice and everything is fine now but i'm stressed out that she's gonna be pissed tomorrow if she finds out i set it off
even though it's entirely because she couldn't fucking tell me basically a two step process
i talked to my dad about it a bit
i feel a bit better
but i just
siiiigh
i've only ever slightly fucked up twice ever and this is the second time so i think i'm fine but
this is partly on her
don't give someone a key they can't use
she did say she'd show me how to disarm it tomorrow
but again
totally misundestood the situation despite me being very clear
from me venting it to my best friend because I am trying not to dwell and type all this shit again over and over.
Hopefully, my tiny piece of cheesecake and a note of "sorry for waking you up unnecessarily" will let it blow over. However, if it comes to her attention that I set off the fucking security alarm and it annoys her, I think I might lose my mind inside. I will probably outwardly just become weak and meek like always, but ultimately, this is kind of her fault at least as much as it is mine.
If someone entrusts me with a key, I should be able to rely on being able to use it in some crazy circumstance without having to call the police!
She did say she would explain how to arm/disarm the thing for future reference.
I just fucking hate how her response was to jump out of bed and start driving instead of... like... calling or texting me?
Anyway, I talked to my dad and my two best friends. Mentioned it to my one Japanese friend. I feel a tiny bit better now. I'm just trying to steel myself without obsessing and spiraling.
I just really need to develop the boundary of being able to treat this just as a job instead of the locus of my self-worth. I care about my job and want to do a good job, but my rejection sensitivity is SO high that if she's annoyed I lose it a little. And that in itself is a bit of a negative power dynamic that I do not believe she in any way exploits on purpose but which deepens the boss/subordinate divide anytime there's even a mild hiccup.
Another thing I did to make myself feel better was put in three job applications. One I would love to hear back from and two on a lark.
I don't plan to leave immediately. I plan to give her a 90 day notice, as it says in my contract I should for voluntary retirement, and hopefully even more if I can. I also plan to give her a full year out of me, if at all possible with any job to get me out of Podunk, Japan, but I really, really need to be somewhere I can get on a train and just... ride.
