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Tomorrow and today are fuzzy concepts for me in the dark. I like that feeling, except where it comes to how it impacts my relationship to work. It's been even more pronounced since I started working afternoon and evening. In some ways, this agrees with my body clock. However, when I first came back to Japan, my natural jet-lagged cycle from home meant that I was consistently waking up VERY early in the morning, wide-awake, and would have a few hours, a nap, and then work. That was awesome, honestly.

Then, I got sick early on. Just a virus or whatever the clung on for a few weeks after new germs at all that. Weirdly, the cough hung on until a single dose of herby Chinese medicine powder by boss gave me that didn't taste that bad and seemed to work a miracle or be a hell of a coincidence.

Anyway, since I got sick, I have slumped back into my "only being awake to eat and work" habit sometimes. Kinda sucks.

I keep telling myself that when summer finally starts to relent next month that maybe it will be better. It's hard to want to get up and be active outside my apartment when I feel like I'm being pan-fried the minute I step into the sun.

After a week or so without working but being in Japan, I feel like I've been 2.5 different people. I like who I am today. I just wonder if it will stick.

See, today, I am actually missing being close enough in on the edge of fandom to touch creativity from time to time. I am curious and interested in reading and learning more and doing more than the bare minimum.

I'm just terrified that after my shift at work on Monday, it will all crawl back into a hole until December.

My best friend has gone through a bit of a hellish personal drama over the past 24 hours, going through all stages of grief and rage while trying to get Dragon Age Origins to work on Windows 11. Even our/my tech supportiest friend seemed to think it might be nearly a lost cause, but finally through the three of us bashing our heads against reddit and nexusmods, we were able to come up with something that crystallized into a solution in her mind. She feels much better now, and so do I, because her talking about it also made me want to play again at some point and it was sad to think that Windows 11 was completely incompatible with modding it at all!

Most recently, she has also gotten me into Chinese yaoi or whatever it's called (danmei?).

I watched the "Heaven Official's Blessing" or TCGF "anime" with her. (Again, it has a different name because it's Chinese but it's similar in art style and format to anime.)

Right now, we're watching the TV show that gets translated as "The Untamed" or MDZS.

With the new friend-or-whatever I've made in Japan, I've been watching Steins;Gate again. He seems to be genuinely invested.

So yeah, I really hope I can be creative a bit more often and not feel like my insides are made of white noise visuals and radio static sometimes. Does anyone know what that particular emotion is? It's hard to define. It's both physical and emotional. Weirdness.