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I had a strangely good day in terms of unexpected events.
I awakened to find an email from Dreamwidth Studios that I had been randomly selected to receive a donated Paid Account for a year! That's great, because I have been using the website more often lately. I've been trying to be more present with... well, anything, and it seems to help to be on these more Internet 1.5 websites... I had a paid account for a few years now, but right now anything other than food or something that will have a direct impact on my material existence seems like a stupid frivolity. I had planned to purchase a paid account again, but I just... hadn't made myself. I'm really thankful, kind strangers on Dreamwidth! I almost never win random odds ANYTHING, so it's really nice.
Then, when I got to work, I received an email to request a direct interview with an international school in another part of Tokyo! This application is really satisfying to get a response to, because I had to pay a platform to be allowed to put in yet another application... So, here's hoping that I might get it. It would be a significant pay bump, and I would just enjoy the work as much or more than anything I've ever done, I think. I'll be interviewing with them next week.
Finally, I was scheduled to have 10 classes today. It's manageable but hectic. However, I ended up with only 6 due to several absences. It was nice. Very breezy and let me get lesson plans done through next Tuesday which means that for the last two days this week, I can dedicate office time to curriculum adoption instead of lesson planning, if my boss doesn't give me something else to do.
When I started in June and for the first couple months, Mondays were trial by fire for everyone. In the 5:00 PM slot, there's this group of five very difficult to manage elementary school boys that, every time I think I'm getting some cooperation, it's two steps forward and one step back. At least one step back. This past Monday was Respect for the Elderly Day in Japan, so it's a public holiday for most things. Our schedule doesn't take into account public holidays and has separate holidays instead, so my boss invited the boys' parents to come see their behavior. A few showed up but mostly stayed outside the room and talked with my boss. They observed for a little while. It was chaotic but not terrible chaotic. We'll see if any of the progress sticks next Monday...
Anyway, until a couple weeks ago, there were 11 classes on Mondays, the most I had all week, and it included 2 of about 3 classes that have members who ever give me a really difficult or disrespectful time. Some Mondays, I would come out of it feeling really emotionally battered by a couple of 8 or 9 year old boys! It was awful.
Recently, however, there have been some schedule shifts. This means there will usually be only 8-10 classes on Monday, still getting a good chunk of the difficult stuff over with at the beginning of the week, but with a couple of more cooperative students moved to different days of the week. Now, Tuesday or Wednesday will be the technically busiest day usually, but those include both more one-on-one classes and more mature students, whether they be elementary school kids or older kids and adults. It's more balanced, and I'm grateful for that.
Plus, I think that will be better for whoever replaces me, in the end.
Right now, I think I am doing a good job most days. My boss offers genuine thanks and praise sometimes. However, I am still having problems with her anxiety cloud casting this dreadful glow over me.
I work 1:30 PM to 9:00 or so most days. Technically, my hours are until 9:30, but if my boss has decided we're done for the day, we leave a bit before that. She's eager to go home, and I think she basically schedules that buffer for if something went wrong? But anyway, I am supposed to have an hour break in there. It's actually required by law. However, my break is usually broken up into two half-hour chunks. However, what's actually happening is that most of the time I'm not actually getting a break that long during any time period. If I get a half hour break, I'm usually doing paperwork to make stuff easier for the next day for at least 20 minutes of that break. It's somewhat a choice, but it's one of those things where I'm always trying to keep on top of things such that my job feels more steady instead of boom and bust.
However, my boss is this anxious church mouse who is obviously a bit nervous and judgmental anytime I'm sitting there doing nothing or on my phone or whatever. Even though I'm doing volumes of work that are sometimes working ahead into the next week.
It frustrates me, but I'm also trying to get brave enough that at a certain point, when it's officially my break time, I will just sit there and read my phone right in front of her no matter what it does to her aura.
I hate the nitpicky supervision, though it isn't constant. I put up with so much crap. Like, her four year old grandson is there pretty often because she helps out when her daughter and son-in-law need a pinch-hit for looking after him. I don't mind! I find him somewhat charming. But yesterday, some of their other family members were there for a little bit, and he ran into the office where I was working, came up to me, kicked me in the thigh (medium pressure, non injurious but not very comfortable either) and ran off again. I didn't say a word about it. I think he was being playful/giving me attention in his own way. He sometimes comes up and tickles me and it's, like, obviously friendly. This was less easy to read, but I think it was still that kind of thing. That said, if I have to sometimes (not at that moment) impromptu babysit, and you ask forgiveness and not permission while you stop looking after your grandson and just leave him in my general vicinity, then you can fuck off about whether or not you like my smartphone habits.
Anyway, I'm venting. It's not a terrible job. She's not a terrible person. But sometimes, she's a crappy boss.
Two or three friends have suggested that these "behaviors" are why other people in my position have left before. It could be. I wish I could find out what exactly were the tenures of my predecessors...
Anyway, I am currently looking not just out of resentment. There have been days when I have the slightly petty thought of, like, "the smaller you make the bullseye to make you happy, the further my foot is out the door and you don't even know it yet." On other days, I feel kind of bad that I will leave her given the opportunity before a year is up. My contract says I can voluntarily retire with 90 days notice, and I will do it if the opportunity comes up.
I dread what might happen next with regard to my comfort levels in my own home, since my rent is played through my work as is common in these situations, but I will get through it by the grace of God. This woman claims to be a Christian. Let her show it.
Earlier, I opened instagram and happened across a reel by the "antiworkgirlboss" account where she was talking about "Performance Improvement Plans," which are typically used as a way for a job that has to give reasons to fire you to start the process of firing you. I don't think my job is anywhere near that point. I think she likes me most of the time. I think I'm doing a good job most of the time. However, one thing this reel said really resonated with me. Basically, when you've been given forewarning that a job is about to end, you need to start looking for another and emotionally disassociate from your current job.
I definitely get emotionally wrapped up in my jobs. I think most teachers do. I still, every day, go in wanting the best outcomes for students.
And, for example, my boss currently has me learning about a different curriculum to phase into using over the next several level changes for sme students.
I'm doing it. I'm learning a skill. And I'm also writing up a doc and sharing it with her, which I'll make a copy of after I'm doing and unattach my version wen I leave the job. I am consciously doing things that will make it easier for whoever she has to train next. But, it's going to be someone if I am blessed with the opportunity to take a job where I am in my skillset and being treated with the level of professional dignity I have earned.
She gives me some professional dignity and treats me well especially when I'm working with the age group I'm licensed to teach. However, working with the younger kids is a challenge for me. I'm learning, but I don't want to feel looked down upon for not being a perfect natural mother who speaks Japanese all the time. I know some of it is my rejection sensitivity, too.
Still, I think it's even a responsible thing to try and move into a position where I am best utilizing my skill set.
And, now that I have written all that down... I'm trying to let it go until tomorrow.
I'm still having a lot of trouble letting my work live at work. Not making it my whole personality, even when I am compartmentalizing it.
I've been wanting to write more lately. You might have noticed with the bingo card. I also signed up for a ficathon. The two might overlap. But I am also worried about whether or not I can even focus on any of them.
I can't decide if I want to work on WIPs in fandoms I've been in for a while or if I want to start new things, one-shots or potential WIPs. I want to make myself happy with writing, but I am human and also want community and attention, and the latter is really, really hard to come by as a writer these days.
I awakened to find an email from Dreamwidth Studios that I had been randomly selected to receive a donated Paid Account for a year! That's great, because I have been using the website more often lately. I've been trying to be more present with... well, anything, and it seems to help to be on these more Internet 1.5 websites... I had a paid account for a few years now, but right now anything other than food or something that will have a direct impact on my material existence seems like a stupid frivolity. I had planned to purchase a paid account again, but I just... hadn't made myself. I'm really thankful, kind strangers on Dreamwidth! I almost never win random odds ANYTHING, so it's really nice.
Then, when I got to work, I received an email to request a direct interview with an international school in another part of Tokyo! This application is really satisfying to get a response to, because I had to pay a platform to be allowed to put in yet another application... So, here's hoping that I might get it. It would be a significant pay bump, and I would just enjoy the work as much or more than anything I've ever done, I think. I'll be interviewing with them next week.
Finally, I was scheduled to have 10 classes today. It's manageable but hectic. However, I ended up with only 6 due to several absences. It was nice. Very breezy and let me get lesson plans done through next Tuesday which means that for the last two days this week, I can dedicate office time to curriculum adoption instead of lesson planning, if my boss doesn't give me something else to do.
When I started in June and for the first couple months, Mondays were trial by fire for everyone. In the 5:00 PM slot, there's this group of five very difficult to manage elementary school boys that, every time I think I'm getting some cooperation, it's two steps forward and one step back. At least one step back. This past Monday was Respect for the Elderly Day in Japan, so it's a public holiday for most things. Our schedule doesn't take into account public holidays and has separate holidays instead, so my boss invited the boys' parents to come see their behavior. A few showed up but mostly stayed outside the room and talked with my boss. They observed for a little while. It was chaotic but not terrible chaotic. We'll see if any of the progress sticks next Monday...
Anyway, until a couple weeks ago, there were 11 classes on Mondays, the most I had all week, and it included 2 of about 3 classes that have members who ever give me a really difficult or disrespectful time. Some Mondays, I would come out of it feeling really emotionally battered by a couple of 8 or 9 year old boys! It was awful.
Recently, however, there have been some schedule shifts. This means there will usually be only 8-10 classes on Monday, still getting a good chunk of the difficult stuff over with at the beginning of the week, but with a couple of more cooperative students moved to different days of the week. Now, Tuesday or Wednesday will be the technically busiest day usually, but those include both more one-on-one classes and more mature students, whether they be elementary school kids or older kids and adults. It's more balanced, and I'm grateful for that.
Plus, I think that will be better for whoever replaces me, in the end.
Right now, I think I am doing a good job most days. My boss offers genuine thanks and praise sometimes. However, I am still having problems with her anxiety cloud casting this dreadful glow over me.
I work 1:30 PM to 9:00 or so most days. Technically, my hours are until 9:30, but if my boss has decided we're done for the day, we leave a bit before that. She's eager to go home, and I think she basically schedules that buffer for if something went wrong? But anyway, I am supposed to have an hour break in there. It's actually required by law. However, my break is usually broken up into two half-hour chunks. However, what's actually happening is that most of the time I'm not actually getting a break that long during any time period. If I get a half hour break, I'm usually doing paperwork to make stuff easier for the next day for at least 20 minutes of that break. It's somewhat a choice, but it's one of those things where I'm always trying to keep on top of things such that my job feels more steady instead of boom and bust.
However, my boss is this anxious church mouse who is obviously a bit nervous and judgmental anytime I'm sitting there doing nothing or on my phone or whatever. Even though I'm doing volumes of work that are sometimes working ahead into the next week.
It frustrates me, but I'm also trying to get brave enough that at a certain point, when it's officially my break time, I will just sit there and read my phone right in front of her no matter what it does to her aura.
I hate the nitpicky supervision, though it isn't constant. I put up with so much crap. Like, her four year old grandson is there pretty often because she helps out when her daughter and son-in-law need a pinch-hit for looking after him. I don't mind! I find him somewhat charming. But yesterday, some of their other family members were there for a little bit, and he ran into the office where I was working, came up to me, kicked me in the thigh (medium pressure, non injurious but not very comfortable either) and ran off again. I didn't say a word about it. I think he was being playful/giving me attention in his own way. He sometimes comes up and tickles me and it's, like, obviously friendly. This was less easy to read, but I think it was still that kind of thing. That said, if I have to sometimes (not at that moment) impromptu babysit, and you ask forgiveness and not permission while you stop looking after your grandson and just leave him in my general vicinity, then you can fuck off about whether or not you like my smartphone habits.
Anyway, I'm venting. It's not a terrible job. She's not a terrible person. But sometimes, she's a crappy boss.
Two or three friends have suggested that these "behaviors" are why other people in my position have left before. It could be. I wish I could find out what exactly were the tenures of my predecessors...
Anyway, I am currently looking not just out of resentment. There have been days when I have the slightly petty thought of, like, "the smaller you make the bullseye to make you happy, the further my foot is out the door and you don't even know it yet." On other days, I feel kind of bad that I will leave her given the opportunity before a year is up. My contract says I can voluntarily retire with 90 days notice, and I will do it if the opportunity comes up.
I dread what might happen next with regard to my comfort levels in my own home, since my rent is played through my work as is common in these situations, but I will get through it by the grace of God. This woman claims to be a Christian. Let her show it.
Earlier, I opened instagram and happened across a reel by the "antiworkgirlboss" account where she was talking about "Performance Improvement Plans," which are typically used as a way for a job that has to give reasons to fire you to start the process of firing you. I don't think my job is anywhere near that point. I think she likes me most of the time. I think I'm doing a good job most of the time. However, one thing this reel said really resonated with me. Basically, when you've been given forewarning that a job is about to end, you need to start looking for another and emotionally disassociate from your current job.
I definitely get emotionally wrapped up in my jobs. I think most teachers do. I still, every day, go in wanting the best outcomes for students.
And, for example, my boss currently has me learning about a different curriculum to phase into using over the next several level changes for sme students.
I'm doing it. I'm learning a skill. And I'm also writing up a doc and sharing it with her, which I'll make a copy of after I'm doing and unattach my version wen I leave the job. I am consciously doing things that will make it easier for whoever she has to train next. But, it's going to be someone if I am blessed with the opportunity to take a job where I am in my skillset and being treated with the level of professional dignity I have earned.
She gives me some professional dignity and treats me well especially when I'm working with the age group I'm licensed to teach. However, working with the younger kids is a challenge for me. I'm learning, but I don't want to feel looked down upon for not being a perfect natural mother who speaks Japanese all the time. I know some of it is my rejection sensitivity, too.
Still, I think it's even a responsible thing to try and move into a position where I am best utilizing my skill set.
And, now that I have written all that down... I'm trying to let it go until tomorrow.
I'm still having a lot of trouble letting my work live at work. Not making it my whole personality, even when I am compartmentalizing it.
I've been wanting to write more lately. You might have noticed with the bingo card. I also signed up for a ficathon. The two might overlap. But I am also worried about whether or not I can even focus on any of them.
I can't decide if I want to work on WIPs in fandoms I've been in for a while or if I want to start new things, one-shots or potential WIPs. I want to make myself happy with writing, but I am human and also want community and attention, and the latter is really, really hard to come by as a writer these days.
