Sunshine Challenge 2019 - Challenge #2

[prixmium]

Challenge #2: Fannish Identity

On the sunshine_challenge community, there are some questions prompting us to discuss our fannish identity and what it means to us. I think this is a really cool prompt, particularly given that over the past few years it has changed a lot for me.

Early on in my fannish experiences online, I did not have a particularly stable identity. I would make a new AIM screen name every time I started shipping something passionately and sometimes on other whims, and while I made a fanfiction.net account in 2003, I cannot remember what exactly it was originally connected to, if anything.

I think my first efforts at having personal monikers were something like amayanightreign - a very emo/goth/vampy affectation to nothing in particular except maybe my only-in-my-head vampire OC epic that originated from disorganized RPing online - then bohemianneko which came about around the time I was first really feeling like I understood fandom in my mid-teens. At the time when I tried to make multifandom or fandom-free screennames, I was fascinated by mixing languages, which also led to me using lycannoir for a while, but then I eventually got embarrassed that I knew exactly none of the languages I was borrowing from.

For most of my online life, I have not had an "online name" and would just get called by whatever my username happened to be at the time. Then, if I made friends, I would share my IRL first name. That went on pretty consistently until about 2015 when I wanted to join the Fate fandom and specifically the Type Moon forum called Beasts Lair. It was probably a good call but also a red flag that for some reason I was anxious about maintaining that status quo, but I think I had arrived at the notion that it was an opportunity to invent a new facet to my identity since I had found an active forum community once again. From my brief time lurking, it seemed like the users that had personal interactions called each other by names based on their usernames.

To that end, I chose Holy Grail Grand Prix which was based on a particular skit in the Type Moon parody series Carnival Phantasm that I loved a lot. I thought that it would show that I had at least tried to branch out from having seen only the two most recent anime, but for the gatekeeper types in that fandom this seemed to only fan the flame. There were a pretty large number of bitter fans still around at the time. However, funnily enough, I learned later that a lot of people did not even understand the reference until years later. Nevertheless, I got to choose the nickname "Prix" when I said I preferred it over HGGW which sounded like an abbreviation for a book series.

Then, eventually, someone made a fandom-specific joke and called be Prix of Heroes, and I had my username on BL changed to that, and so the original context was lost.

Further years later after I had stopped trying to keep a consistent presence on BL and when many of those who hated me in that fandom had even moved on, I learned that even those I considered friendly were often mentally pronouncing it "Pricks" which horrified me. "Pricks of Heroes" has a very different connotation...

But anyway, I tried to have a good sense of humor about it and tried to correct it among the friends I had that would listen or care. "Prix," pronounced like the French word in the term Grand Prix is the first real "online name" I have ever had. While the fandom that I got it from has given me a really mixed bag of genuine emotional trauma from shitty experiences within it and joy from interacting with the media and some of the fans, I really feel like getting the name out of it had at least some positive impacts on my online experience.

Prix, as my "online name," helps me to have a degree of separation when I need it, but it also feels like an organic identity that is my own. I would not mind being called Prix in person at this point if people pronounce it correctly. I still share my real name sometimes, but online I might even prefer Prix even though I would never change my real name.

My one concern is that sometimes it makes me think it sounds a little bit like a stripper name, but so what in the end.

The closest thing to another online name I ever used was failsafe on AO3 for quite some time. I know that certain people really like it, and exactly ONCE I had someone in a different fandom recognize that name as "oh the person that writes the Young Avengers fics?" That was one of the best days in my fandom life. However, that never felt like a name so much as a banner, so earlier this year I finally caved and changed my AO3 name to Prix too.

Does anyone have any questions about my fandom identity? I would be curious if so.

As for the question about my default icon, I chose Skye | Daisy because of intense interest when I made this account and her general beauty. I kind of stopped on my new attempt to watch AOS a while back, but I definitely intend to continue or start again. I do not look anything like her, though I aspire to her S1 or really recent hair. I guess I just sort of identified with the expression, scribbled stars, and coloring. My icons are reflective of my interests but not broadly so far.

Comments

[anirrationalseason]

I think Prix is a super cool name! I appreciate that you distinguish how it's supposed to be pronounced. (I also loved Carnival Phantasm!)

I was interested in joining Fate fandom after reading the visual novel in 2009. I read a few cute, shippy fics I enjoyed that were later ripped to shreds by fandom gatekeepers for not being up on every little piece of lore. Next were the folks who reviled Sakura Matou for being a "slut" and "weaker" than her awesome sister Rin. Needless to say, joining the fandom did not happen. I'm sorry you had some poor experiences there, although it also sounds like you got a lot out of it.

[prixmium]

I still consider myself a part of the Fate fandom. I think that it is one of those things that can become part of your fandom DNA, for better or for worse. However, I have found much more tolerable pockets of the fandom. Unfortunately, my time being a regular on BL kind of felt a lot like being in some kind of toxic high school social environment despite the fact that most of us were 18 and up. I have kept a lot of friends, and I even still use the website at times, but a whole lot happened during that time that was not for the best either.

I would encourage you to interact with the media even just personally, but do not pressure yourself to try to appease the gatekeepers. I did that, and it nearly killed me in silly and more serious ways. However, I think it is just such a fascinating franchise with so much to say and to play with.

[oldtoadwoman]

Wow, you have so much fic!

[prixmium]

Thank you! I totally wish I could make pulpy covers for some of my longer and favorite fics... I would never try to do it for all of them. My AO3 account has stuff on it that I wrote as a teenager even, some of which oddly still gets kudos from time to time even though I think it is feeble at best. When I went to AO3, I salvaged what I considered the best and most nostalgic stuff from my prior life on the internet dating back into the early 00s. There is also like one random Creative Writing assignment on there from junior year of high school that a substitute teacher refused to believe that I wrote until a bunch of my friends vouched for me that I was not plagiarizing from some hidden source.

Right now without a computer, I cannot make graphics at all. However, there has been recent mild discourse on twitter about how fic artists should make at least some kind of graphic to accompany promoting their fics anytime they can because people will stop to read even a badly drawn web comic when they won't even stop for text that does not immediately pertain to their interests or best friends. The cover thing would be a GREAT way to do that and could range from serious to tongue in cheek. If you have any advice for how you did them and made them look so fun and convincing even when they look cheeky, I would love to know!

cover art

[oldtoadwoman]

I'm using Fire Alpaca, which is a free download. I've been looking at www.photopea.com recently, which is a free online photo-editing site and it seems like you should be able to accomplish the same thing there.

Let me know when you've got a computer again and you've got time to play with it and I can walk you through it.

key points:

-save the file in the photo-editing format even if you think you're done and don't need to keep editing it (there's always one last mistake you'll want to fix and if you haven't saved the editable version, you're screwed). The web format that you'll save the finished image in won't save layers, so make sure you save it both ways.

-layers! every time you add anything new that you're not 100% sure you'll like, save it on a different layer. If you decide you don't like something, don't delete it, just turn that layer off, just in case you change your mind again. I'm very indecisive and like to try things multiple different ways before I decide on anything. Layers allow you to move around and re-size separate parts of the image.

-for a book-cover feel, I go with 2:3 ratio, as a general habit I'll do 600 by 900 pixels even though I don't display it that large.

-make a folder on your computer just for this project. Google images that you think you might use and save anything that could possibly be helpful, including background images into the same folder so it's easy to find later. I nearly always end up saving way more images than I need, but it's nice to have options.

-I use fontmeme.com for the text because I don't like the text options in Fire Alpaca.

[enemytosleep]

I think Prix is lovely. :D

[mekare]

Oh wow, that pronunciation mishap sounds like a rude awakening...I took French at school so that association was the first thing that came to mind. (But as I read in pauraque' post, user names can look deceiving).

I've waffled for a long time before deciding on a user name and I don't think I'm likely to change it. If I had had an account earlier I might have, but coming into journaling so late I wanted a user name that lasted.

Your Skye icon is lovely. :-)

[dorchadas]

I'm glad that I've been pronouncing your Dreamwidth name correctly!

I've never had anyone call me dorchadas and I think it would be weird if anyone did (not least because almost no one pronounces it correctly), but back when I played World of Warcraft a lot my guildies would routinely call me by my character's name (Manaan) even if we were just on voice chat talking about our days. I still think of most of them by their character names, even when I know their given names. I guess that's the closest I've had to a persistent online identity, even though I've used dorchadas for longer and in more places.