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impermanence of place
Sep. 28th, 2024 02:13 pmToday was a surprisingly nice day for me. I wanted to write some, which didn't really happen because I got sidetracked by making icons and listening to music after I did some responsible things.
Still, I have often spent Saturdays just completely zonked, so it was nice to feel like I actually get a 1.5-2 day weekend instead of 1 plus a bunch of sleep and desperate chores.
I had another job interview on Thursday morning. I really, really hope that God and circumstance place me where I need to be to make this living in Japan but occasionally visiting home thing socially, practically, and financially viable. Some days, I feel like an idiot for coming here, even though my material conditions are objectively better. Still, the yen being so weak to the dollar fucking hurts when I'm trying to play catch-up with money. One more month and I might finally start saving a tiny bit. Right now, I'm just scraping by except allowing myself to eat pretty much what I want, when I want, and throwing money at my credit card.
If it doesn't turn out that I get one of the international school jobs I'm diligently working toward getting, I guess I will also open my eyes back homeward and come from a position of having a little more bargaining power with what I have to do versus what I'm willing to take. Especially after the election is done, if we aren't headed toward Project 2025 Gilead, then I'll be more willing to consider working back home, I guess.
One of the main reasons I left was because I was so, so exhausted of just renting a room in someone else's house and never having say over the fucking thermostat. I would spend months of the year with pounding temples and a brain muddled into soup because people were trying to save money on air conditioning. I will make other sacrifices to just be able to think. I read somewhere recently that the best ambient indoor temperature for physical and cognitive function is somewhere around 22C give or take. Most people in America, at least in my neck of the woods, keep their summertime thermostats anywhere between 68 and 74 with most people choosing somewhere between 70 and 72 as a reasonable setting. Of course, this is on central air heating pumps, and I recognize that a lot of the rest of the world also doesn't use these and instead uses the in-wall units like here in Japan. That said, I think using Celsius fucks with people's brains as to what the hell a reasonable temperature to achieve overall with air conditioning to make people function well is. My boss keeps it on 27 or 28 a lot of the time. Sometimes she'll lower it to 25 in the classrooms, which is bearable if the outside temperature is high enough to keep it flowing most of the time. But I guess it is a difference of philosophy between keeping a room and workplace endurable versus comfortable enough for good work. I understand that some people are worried about the environmental ramifications of air conditioning, and I think we should look into some of the ancient and natural ways of helping to cool buildings, but until architecture catches up, I am extremely heat sensitive and actually feel my seasonal depression period during the summer because of this. (A link of some of the data, though I don't think this is initially where I read it: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6377698/)
I feel like I lost the plot in the previous paragraph but to clarify: my previous landlord before moving here was from Ukraine and therefore a native Celsius user, and so she did similar bullshit with her Fahrenheit thermostat. Eventually, I gained a little bit more leeway with being allowed to turn the air conditioning down to MAYBE 74 on very hot days, but I mostly spent August-early October and March onward in that house stripping down to my underwear the moment I got home from work and staying that way until I had to get ready for work the next day, sweating to death when I would try to sleep no matter what I did.
And just that feeling of a lack of control drove me crazy. Like, I couldn't even choose to pay more to be comfortable in my "home" for months on end.
At least here in Japan, I can choose to have my electric bill be high in the summer and just suffer through some of the cooler months to make it balance out. I even enjoy coping with cold with layers.
However, long term, my eikawa salary isn't sustainable.
My current contract is for two years, and I think my boss would love to have me for the two years plus the other my visa is active. However, I do not want to do that. She's a good person but not a great boss, and I don't really like living in this level of suburbia in Japan. I want to be closer into Tokyo and other expats and more choices for stuff to do without having to get a hotel for the night if I'm gonna stay here.
That said, I've been feeling a little less dire about the thought of having to go back to the US provided Project 2025 isn't the governmental philosophy. If we get to live in a world where that isn't happening, which I hope and pray is the case, then I would be able to look for a job back in my hometown/region at some leisure while keeping this job as long as I need to within the next couple of years, if my dreams of a better job here don't pan out.
I've also been thinking about what the hell I would like to do if I needed to pivot out of teaching.
Lord knows I don't know what it takes to be a consistent content creator for a living, no matter how much that seems like The Dream at times.
I also see people pivoting from being teachers to going into corporate training. I would have to learn more, but I don't think that's for me long term, even though I don't think I would hate it.
There's also instructional design, but one thing I hate as a teacher is clueless curriculum design. So, if I were to do that, I would still want a few more years in the classroom to feel at all qualified.
Finally, there is the ever-allure of "going back to school" for me, since I feel safer as a student than as a worker in ways.
If I did that, even though I don't fucking want more student debt, I have been considering that the parts of my current job I enjoy the most mirror some things speech language pathologists do. That's sort of in this sweet spot between education and medicine in such a way that it might pay a bit more and have a few more options for employment than English teacher back in the US. So, that's becoming a little floaty and shiny backup backup plan in my head.
Today, I went to the grocery store and got some stuff to cook up a very large amount of chicken I ordered from The Meat Guy months ago and thawed in the fridge. I made lemon chicken and it was surprisingly non disastrous. While I was near it, I also went to Daiso. I bought a few cheap kitchen implements to help in my cooking endeavor, and I also bought a pad of paper and masking tape.
It is handy to have, but I also want to make a little sign to put on my front door that says in English (and if I can find the right translation in Japanese - I know a couple of you speak Japanese so if you could help? Or I'll just ask Google) that delivery drivers can fucking just LEAVE THINGS AT THE DOOR.
Many Amazon drivers get it, as I have it set in my preferences, but sometimes even they chicken out of doing it. Let alone Yamato or other delivery drivers. Sometimes they try to call me, but I almost never hear it, because I am at work or asleep at various times that aren't convenient for delivery, and I can't have that level of conversation in Japanese yet anyway.
Just leave the box!!!
Anyway, while I was grabbing things at Daiso, I enjoyed looking around a little bit at affordable and cute decorative items they have. However, I didn't buy anything.
And I've been like that for months. Years now, actually. For the most part, I don't buy anything that takes up physical space or has any weight whatsoever or anything that is decorative, because as I have moved several times, I have become very aware of the fact that if I own it, I either have to take it with me or throw it away. I feel guilty about creating more trash in the world, and I just... don't feel like I have the heart to make a place to lay my head more homey in less practical ways because I know that I'm still not in my landing place yet.
I envy my peers who have that, but overall looking around and feeling safe in my nice and cold apartment (since I've been able to switch off the air conditioning and over to the dehumidifier) was nice today.
Still, I have often spent Saturdays just completely zonked, so it was nice to feel like I actually get a 1.5-2 day weekend instead of 1 plus a bunch of sleep and desperate chores.
I had another job interview on Thursday morning. I really, really hope that God and circumstance place me where I need to be to make this living in Japan but occasionally visiting home thing socially, practically, and financially viable. Some days, I feel like an idiot for coming here, even though my material conditions are objectively better. Still, the yen being so weak to the dollar fucking hurts when I'm trying to play catch-up with money. One more month and I might finally start saving a tiny bit. Right now, I'm just scraping by except allowing myself to eat pretty much what I want, when I want, and throwing money at my credit card.
If it doesn't turn out that I get one of the international school jobs I'm diligently working toward getting, I guess I will also open my eyes back homeward and come from a position of having a little more bargaining power with what I have to do versus what I'm willing to take. Especially after the election is done, if we aren't headed toward Project 2025 Gilead, then I'll be more willing to consider working back home, I guess.
One of the main reasons I left was because I was so, so exhausted of just renting a room in someone else's house and never having say over the fucking thermostat. I would spend months of the year with pounding temples and a brain muddled into soup because people were trying to save money on air conditioning. I will make other sacrifices to just be able to think. I read somewhere recently that the best ambient indoor temperature for physical and cognitive function is somewhere around 22C give or take. Most people in America, at least in my neck of the woods, keep their summertime thermostats anywhere between 68 and 74 with most people choosing somewhere between 70 and 72 as a reasonable setting. Of course, this is on central air heating pumps, and I recognize that a lot of the rest of the world also doesn't use these and instead uses the in-wall units like here in Japan. That said, I think using Celsius fucks with people's brains as to what the hell a reasonable temperature to achieve overall with air conditioning to make people function well is. My boss keeps it on 27 or 28 a lot of the time. Sometimes she'll lower it to 25 in the classrooms, which is bearable if the outside temperature is high enough to keep it flowing most of the time. But I guess it is a difference of philosophy between keeping a room and workplace endurable versus comfortable enough for good work. I understand that some people are worried about the environmental ramifications of air conditioning, and I think we should look into some of the ancient and natural ways of helping to cool buildings, but until architecture catches up, I am extremely heat sensitive and actually feel my seasonal depression period during the summer because of this. (A link of some of the data, though I don't think this is initially where I read it: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6377698/)
I feel like I lost the plot in the previous paragraph but to clarify: my previous landlord before moving here was from Ukraine and therefore a native Celsius user, and so she did similar bullshit with her Fahrenheit thermostat. Eventually, I gained a little bit more leeway with being allowed to turn the air conditioning down to MAYBE 74 on very hot days, but I mostly spent August-early October and March onward in that house stripping down to my underwear the moment I got home from work and staying that way until I had to get ready for work the next day, sweating to death when I would try to sleep no matter what I did.
And just that feeling of a lack of control drove me crazy. Like, I couldn't even choose to pay more to be comfortable in my "home" for months on end.
At least here in Japan, I can choose to have my electric bill be high in the summer and just suffer through some of the cooler months to make it balance out. I even enjoy coping with cold with layers.
However, long term, my eikawa salary isn't sustainable.
My current contract is for two years, and I think my boss would love to have me for the two years plus the other my visa is active. However, I do not want to do that. She's a good person but not a great boss, and I don't really like living in this level of suburbia in Japan. I want to be closer into Tokyo and other expats and more choices for stuff to do without having to get a hotel for the night if I'm gonna stay here.
That said, I've been feeling a little less dire about the thought of having to go back to the US provided Project 2025 isn't the governmental philosophy. If we get to live in a world where that isn't happening, which I hope and pray is the case, then I would be able to look for a job back in my hometown/region at some leisure while keeping this job as long as I need to within the next couple of years, if my dreams of a better job here don't pan out.
I've also been thinking about what the hell I would like to do if I needed to pivot out of teaching.
Lord knows I don't know what it takes to be a consistent content creator for a living, no matter how much that seems like The Dream at times.
I also see people pivoting from being teachers to going into corporate training. I would have to learn more, but I don't think that's for me long term, even though I don't think I would hate it.
There's also instructional design, but one thing I hate as a teacher is clueless curriculum design. So, if I were to do that, I would still want a few more years in the classroom to feel at all qualified.
Finally, there is the ever-allure of "going back to school" for me, since I feel safer as a student than as a worker in ways.
If I did that, even though I don't fucking want more student debt, I have been considering that the parts of my current job I enjoy the most mirror some things speech language pathologists do. That's sort of in this sweet spot between education and medicine in such a way that it might pay a bit more and have a few more options for employment than English teacher back in the US. So, that's becoming a little floaty and shiny backup backup plan in my head.
Today, I went to the grocery store and got some stuff to cook up a very large amount of chicken I ordered from The Meat Guy months ago and thawed in the fridge. I made lemon chicken and it was surprisingly non disastrous. While I was near it, I also went to Daiso. I bought a few cheap kitchen implements to help in my cooking endeavor, and I also bought a pad of paper and masking tape.
It is handy to have, but I also want to make a little sign to put on my front door that says in English (and if I can find the right translation in Japanese - I know a couple of you speak Japanese so if you could help? Or I'll just ask Google) that delivery drivers can fucking just LEAVE THINGS AT THE DOOR.
Many Amazon drivers get it, as I have it set in my preferences, but sometimes even they chicken out of doing it. Let alone Yamato or other delivery drivers. Sometimes they try to call me, but I almost never hear it, because I am at work or asleep at various times that aren't convenient for delivery, and I can't have that level of conversation in Japanese yet anyway.
Just leave the box!!!
Anyway, while I was grabbing things at Daiso, I enjoyed looking around a little bit at affordable and cute decorative items they have. However, I didn't buy anything.
And I've been like that for months. Years now, actually. For the most part, I don't buy anything that takes up physical space or has any weight whatsoever or anything that is decorative, because as I have moved several times, I have become very aware of the fact that if I own it, I either have to take it with me or throw it away. I feel guilty about creating more trash in the world, and I just... don't feel like I have the heart to make a place to lay my head more homey in less practical ways because I know that I'm still not in my landing place yet.
I envy my peers who have that, but overall looking around and feeling safe in my nice and cold apartment (since I've been able to switch off the air conditioning and over to the dehumidifier) was nice today.
